Monday, February 23, 2009

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE CELIAC DISEASE:

I found this funny list about celiac disease. To most people this will mean nothing but if you know some one with celiac, you will get a laugh. I found it at http://www.lifebeyondwheat.net/.

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE CELIAC DISEASE:
if you dont remember what crackers are supposed to taste like.
if you actually have nightmares about reading labels.
if you compare all of your food to "normal-people-food."
if you cry when you discover a new way to make gluten-free bread.
if you know that Xantham Gum is not for chewing.
if you don't lick stamps.
if your mother is afraid to do the cooking (my mom actually does really well)
if you sit on the phone with a pharmacy for an hour to find out what type of starch they use just so that you can take a generic Tylenol and be-rid of your headache.
if you know that spelt is a distant cousin of wheat, but buckwheat is not related to wheat at all.
if the construction workers working on the house next door to you can EASILY substitute your bread for one of their bricks.
if people INSIST that you don't have celiac, you're just “suffering from malabsorption”
if you burst into tears of relief at the sight of the words "gluten free" stamped on the corner of the Nestle hot cocoa mix.
if people roll their eyes and tell you to "stop annoying the waiters with your stupid low carb diet because you're skinny enough already"
if you actually KNOW what an anti-TTG and an IGA blood test are.
if you forget to buy bun, rolls, bread, ect. at the store for all the gluten eaters of you family.
if you sold your first child to buy groceries (even if you did not have one at the time)
if you've actually suggested cardboard for dinner.
if you've actually eaten cardboard for dinner.
if you wept the first time you tried to make gluten free sugar cookies
if you accept that fact that cardboard probably taste better than gluten free cookies.
if you have ever made a list of everything you would eat if a magical genie could cure you.
if you keep this list with you at all times just in case you should come across a magical genie.
if you get a medical exemption out of cooking class because they are baking bread.
if you've been caught licking a discarded Twinkie wrapper.
if you've had to give a doctor a crash course in Celiac 101.
if you weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.
if you weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
if you've "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner engagement.
if a 7 Course Meal is a 1 Course Meal for you. Lettuce.
if you've ever driven more than 40 miles to buy flour or a cookie.
if it takes you 4 hours to grocery shop and your eyesight is ruined.
if you've ever deliberately rammed your cart into a Shredded Wheat display in a fit of rage.
if you'd gladly pay any price for a pretzel that doesn't taste like sawdust, or bread that doesn't taste like an old shoe.
if your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out PlayDoh.
if one of your primary goals in life is to create "Fake Oreo Cookies".
if you've disinherited loved ones for putting their knife in your mayo.
if you've brought a suitcase full of food with you on a cruise.
if you pace and circle the store three or four times when deciding on a new product, pick it up look at the ingredients, each time. Only to leave without it, figuring why bother.
if your family thinks you're crazy for not tasting their new chocolate chip cookie recipe, because surely a little nibble couldn't hurt right?
if you can spell transglutaminase and dermatitis herpetiformis.
if you show up at the annual church pancake breakfast with a mask and sardine lettuce rollups
if you have to buy extra memory for your Treo to be able to carry all your gluten-free food and restaurant suggestions
if you've mastered saying "I actually enjoy MY food" without your face twitching
if you have ever dreamt about Wonder Bread.
if you hide the gluten-free cookies when guests come over, so they dont eat them.
if you read the ingredient label on green tea - plain green tea.
if you know exactly when Post added barley flavoring back to the Fruity Pebbles and you're ticked.
if you cried when you saw your usually careful husband brushing the crumbs off his hands (from making a gluten-containing sandwich) RIGHT OVER the open utensil drawer
if you talk about your disease (not the unpleasant parts) so much to your friends and acquaintances that your husband tells you you need to get another hobby
if you see someone buying rice flour in the bulk section and you just have to ask them if they are gluten intolerant too!
if it drives you crazy when someone says they completely understand your diet, they did Atkins.
if people roll their eyes at you when you say "no thank you" to someone's gluten filled dessert
if you've refused things as "simple" as gum or sucking candies because you don't know if they're safe.
if you talk about endoscopy's and colonoscopy's like these are normal everyday occurrences that everyone gets nearly every year.

5 comments:

  1. This list depressed me. Wow. I don't know much about Celiacs but it sounds awful. I wish that magic genie upon you! BTW, Emma's pictures on your last blog were priceless.

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  2. I guess we just take so many things for granted, and really don't appreciate how difficult it must be for you at times. Thanks for educating all of us on Celiacs. If it makes you feel better, I will eat one of your gluten free dishes next time you come over, just so I can feel your pain!
    Love, Dad

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  3. This was not supposed to be a sad thing, I honestly was laughing out loud reading this. I don't feel sad about having celiac ever, I always know that things could be worse and this is just one of the few challenges I have. The only time I get frustrated is when I get sick. If there was a cure, you know I would be the first in line but until then, I make it work and appreciate everyone around me that helps me and can laugh at it with me!

    And dad, I won't make you eat my GF food but I can always make you some kind of meat with fruit in it!!

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  4. *sigh*

    I just found out Friday. *&^%!

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  5. This makes me laugh i have been Celiac for about a year and you list made my day :-D

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